A Dog and Cat’s Diary

Excerpt from a Dog’s Diary……..

8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpt from a Cat’s Diary… Day 530 of my captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed some junk out of a can that sorta resembles hash or else we get some sort of dry nuggets and if we are lucky they remember the water. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. That will teach them! Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. *&^#@!!!

There was some sort of assembly of the captors and their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the powers of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormenting captors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but... at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are just flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released outdoors for exercise but dumb enough to return. He is obviously ‘not all upstairs’.

The bird has got to be the informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe... for now.

Dog played by: Bailey Marie Aitken

Cat played by: Bruiser James Aitken

Now you may ask, Why do your pets have 3 names?
When the cat is good we call, "Come here Bruiser."
When the cat is bad we call, "Come HERE Bruiser James!"
and when the cat is REALLY been bad we call, "Bruiser James Aitken!!!"
Kinda the same way you call your children... right?